Pants Lie

I came to a harsh and startling realization the other day: my pants have been lying to me. I know it’s hard to believe, but pants are liars. Big fat liars. I suspect dresses are liars too, but I have no first hand experience with dresses (why? what did you hear?)

Not long ago when I started my VPT Bootcamp program, I asked all of the participants to take measurements. For the guys, it was the waist I was interested in, for the women it was waist and hips. So after one guy didn’t email me with his measurements I asked him during the session.

"So what is your current waist measurement" I asked as I set up the workout.

"36" he replied quickly.

Uh, what? That answer didn’t seem right. I have been at this game a while, so I know I know a 36 when I see one (or don’t).

"You used a measuring tape?" I asked.

"No, but my pants are a 36."


There it was.

As someone had absconded with my measuring tape that day I instructed him to go home and use a measuring tape ASAP.

I got an email later that evening. He measured and his waist was in fact 42 inches – not 36.

Big difference.

I’m sure he thought what I thought: How can that be? The pants said 36!


That’s when it really hit me: Pants are liars. Big – Liars.

I asked my other VPT Bootcamp guys what size pants they usually wore, and they all answered 36 (popular size I guess). But each of them had actual waist measurements of 40-42 inches.

So I decided to do a little experiment. I will say that I (thankfully) do not wear long pants all that often. You see I have big legs and big butt, and have always had big legs and a big butt so it is hard to find pants that fit right. But it’s usually pretty warm here, and even when it isn’t I can get away with shorts 90% of the time.

It just so happens that I wear a size 36 pants (apparently just like everyone else), so I took my 36 inch jeans (the finest jeans Old Navy has to offer) out of my closet and measured them. Here is the actual tag.

These jeans are freshly washed, and not stretched from wearing. I put the tape measure up to them and this is what I got:

I know that is a little hard to see so let me zoom it in for you.

Now I think I was being generous as I did not full stretch them out as if one was to wear them, and even then it measured at 19 inches.

Now do a little math and multiply that by two and you have the circumference. The result is 38 inches. I think I could have probably squeezed out another inch or two if I was to yank on them a bit and I’d get a 39 or 40.

The only good news for me is that these pants are loose on me, so that is something.

So what does this mean? Congrats – you are fatter than you think.

Well, that might not be exactly true. But what it means is that clothing manufacturers are trying to make us feel better by giving us smaller numbers on our clothes.

I expect politicians to lie to me, kids and even on occasion my clients, but not my attire.

I feel I have been let down. Damn you Old Navy.

The Bottom Line:


Pants lie.

Dresses lie.

Tape measures do not.

Take home lesson: Do not believe everything you wear.

Best in Health & Fitness,

Marty Ozaeta
Author, Velocity Performance Training For Fat Loss
VPTraining10@yahoo.com
831-869-5358