I know this post with stir up a lot of emotions from many different angles, so I am very curious to hear what you have to say!
Here is the email I received:
So here’s my story: In Jan 2008, I decided to try to lose weight. I was verging on moving up a clothing size (from a 10 to a 12) and although it wasn’t making me happy, I can’t say weight was an “issue” for me and my self-esteem (I’m 5′4″ and I weighed 163 the day I decided to try to lose weight). I started working out and I was doing workout DVDs. I bought used ones, new ones, used weights and started running too.
By spring I had lost 25 lbs and a total of 17 inches off my various body parts. I was surprised that my girlfriends were generally not happy for me. I was even greeted at a family function with family members unhappy that they were now bigger than me. When one friend complimented me on my weight loss, my other friend commented “I liked her better chubby.”
I confided in another friend who had had her own weight loss transformation years before me and she said she had experienced the same thing. I have noticed that when “fit” or “skinny” women join our bootcamp, some of the girls sneer about them and ask outside of class “why are they even there?” I even have had a friend say “I don’t like her–she’s too skinny” about a woman she never even met!! I don’t understand this at all–when I was heavier I loved hearing about other people’s weight loss and it didn’t intimidate me. It inspired me–even if only momentarily at times . Plus, aren’t we all striving to BE the “skinny chick”?
I started attending a bootcamp out in California this past June, when I had plateaued at a size 8 and about 137 lbs (I was a cardio addict like Abby . In December, I was a size 4 and 128lbs and in the best shape of my life (so far). I am training for a triathlon and all of my times have improved because of bootcamp. I do not go to bootcamp to lose weight anymore, although I wouldn’t mind . I am going to get stronger and more fit. Why is this wrong to some people?
When my friends found out I was training for a triathlon the comment was that I was “trying to make them look bad.” Actually, it has nothing to do with anyone but me and a goal I have set for myself. Why is it that when people tell me I look great or “skinny,” they do it with a glare in their eye? Why do I get sneers and negative comments when I choose a healthy meal or choose to stop drinking after one beer–NOT because I’m worried about my “calories”–but because the healthy food tastes better and the beer makes me feel dehydrated. Do I need to explain myself for all my choices?
Am I doomed because of my gender to just have to deal with this? Can you think of any way to deal with this? As a guy, do you have any thoughts or input after your years of working with women to lose weight? Did Abby experience this? I’m so frustrated. I feel like I have to be a closet skinny person!
So What Do You Have To Say To This Person?
Well, I would say that two positives came out of this.
ReplyDelete1. She is not healthy, fit, and an inspiration to others
2. She found out who her true friends really are.
Growing up my mom always said that in life you will only be able to count your true friends on one hand, if you're lucky. Life is too short to worry about how we are accepted by the world. Here's one of my favorite quotes that I feel is appropriate for this blog post. Congratulations on your success and I say don't let this worry you anymore. Go out and get you a new dress to flatter your new figure and while you're at it, go get ya some new friends :). “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
~Marianne Williamson~
actually this blog brings me back to my experience at the gym i used to go to. I really need to get back to working out again :) anyhow, I was going through the same thing she was. I often caught people at the gym staring at me( and mostly girls) and i already knew what they were thinking" why is she even here?", i was 95lbs at 5'. I dont feel like i need to explain to my friends why i go to the gym and try to defend my habits of eating lots of vegetables. I eat them because they taste good. I go to the gym because it releases my stress. And no, i do not appreciate it when you call me " skinny bitch".
ReplyDeleteBut I am over it and now just do whatever i like to do for myself! :)
My thought for you is, "grace and beauty".
ReplyDeleteDiana
First , GREAT JOB on what you have achieved and your future successes. Now, let's think about other successes in peoples lives. They meet the perfect soulmate, get the dream job, get the promotion, win an award, etc...there will always be "haters" jealous of what you accomplish. We hope the "haters are our enemies, but too many times they are our friends.
ReplyDeleteYes, you do make others look bad, not in the eyes of others but within themselves. By you taking the initiative and you doing the hard work, this makes them question themselves "why haven't I done that?" Then they answer themselves. What do you think they say? Yep, "I'm too lazy, I don't know how, etc." By you succeeding, it makes them realize what they could have done with their time and effort. But isn't that with any successes in life? Many people cannot look in the mirror and honestly and constructively criticize themselves. They rather make up some excuse like "it was luck", "she slept her way to the top", etc.
But their 'hate' may also be from genetic causes. It could be a survival/gene passing phenomenon. They know the "skinny chick" will attract more male attention, thus increasing the chance of "mating" and creating offspring. You now become the competition. There have been scientific studies that support this.
Another reason: Think about what our society has become in terms of our views on competition. Everyone wants to feel appreciated, even if they haven't performed well. These days even the 16th place kid gets a little trophy or ribbon.
Think about our countries views on capitalism (ethical). Those that came up with an idea and "struck it rich." What is the first thing 'haters' say? "It was luck", "Success has changed him", "They swindled or stole from the unwary", etc. Those same emotions are being sent YOUR way.
Here are some possible solutions: get your fat friends in the gym, once they see they can get the same results SOME MAY come around and they will be forever grateful. But, if they can't get in the gym (or more likely don't want to), drop em. Don't hang around losers. Losing is contagious. Find some more friends that have similar goals and can appreciate your accomplishments.
You sleep with dogs you will get fleas, you hang with fatties and soon you will have that 2nd and 3rd beer, the 4 slices of pizza, and half gallon of ice cream.
Misery and fat people love company.
On the road to success you will pass people along the way. Don't look or go back!!....send em a post card that says "Wish you were here!!!"
Women give far too much power to their thoughts about what OTHER people may think or say. It is very empowering to control your own life and not give.others power over you!! Ignore them, and get new friends who are happy when YOU are happy. Spread intelligence, and use what you have, every day of your life.
ReplyDelete